31 July 2007

Happy Snap!

I have a happy snap of Walex!

Walex is about 9.5mm long and has a little heart beating at about 129pbm - which is all great news.

Was so relieved to see the little heart beating on the screen!

My doctor (Dr ManOfFewWords) congratulated me and seemed really happy. Funny, he was the most talkative i think he's ever been - perhaps it's because it's the last time i'll see him now!

Kylie had to go away this morning for four whole days! She called me at about 5pm (about half an hour after my appointment) and i told her the good news. She was really happy and excited too! I called mum as well, who was happy.

I am really happy. I still feel sick though!

Today's the day

The scan got postponed last week. I was driving to work on the Thursday morning and it was funny because i was literally just thinking, minutes before, 'thank goodness it's Friday tomorrow' because it meant that we would finally know whether we had a little beating heart in there...or not...and then the phone rang. It was the IVF clinic saying that there had been a mistake and that the doctor didn't do pregnancy scans on Friday mornings, we would have to postpone it until Tuesday!!
So, it's Tuesday today and i've managed to get myself through until today and at 4.15pm i will front up for my scan and get to see what's going on inside me.
Kylie had to leave this morning for a four day camp in the bush somewhere to put out fires (part of her MFB training), so it's just me on my own (again!).
Gosh i hope it's all ok.

25 July 2007

6 weeks tomorrow

So tomorrow is the 6 week mark. Kind of a milestone. The 6 week scan is booked for the following morning at 8.15am.

I am nervously excited...or something like that.

I hope it's all going ok.

I've been feeling really good. Almost back to normal size (well, perhaps slightly larger than i remember) but certainly feeling pretty good.

I just wish this Friday would come.

Not sure how i will react if the news is bad, that is, no heartbeat seen. Kylie won't be there as she has to go to school and can't take the time off. Well, perhaps it's better, i can just deal with it by myself for a while before i have face anyone.

Of course, i am quietly hopeful that things will be good and that we'll see a healthy little Walex with a heartbeat.

I saw my friend Jo the other day. She's now 9.5 weeks along, which is a relief for her as she miscarried at 6 weeks last pregnancy. I was saying to her how it is hard and you just worry about getting to 6 weeks, then worry about getting to 8 weeks and then 12 weeks.......she agreed. She's already had one child. It was funny because she said even at 12 weeks, you then worry about getting to the next stage and the next stage, and then when the baby is born...well there's a whole other world of new worries that start!

Gosh. This whole experience has been and will continue to be a real lesson to a stress head like me on trying not to stress all the time and just going with it!

20 July 2007

Damned if you do and damned if you don't

After over a week of feeling like crap all the time and having the most massive stomach on the Earth, i am finally coming good. After getting up to 76kg at the height of my discomfort i am now back to 74.6kg, i don't feel nauseous really and my stomach discomfort has subsided substantially and my breasts aren't as sore.

Now, i know all of that sounds good. But now i'm worried that because what if all these symptoms subsiding are because the baby has stopped developing? At least with all these symptoms in full flight you really know something is happening inside. Now, i don't know whether to be happy or just plain scared....

This waiting game is agonizing, much worse than the waiting for the pregnancy test bit that everyone says is hard.

I got a pamphlet in the mail yesterday from the IVF clinic, it was call 'A Positive Pregnancy Test. What now.' It tells you all of the things that could be found at the 6 week scan - only one of the options was a 'viable clinical pregnancy' and the rest were things that pretty much equated to no more baby. According to the statistics on the IVF clinic website if we can get to the six week scan and see a foetal heart rate then we have a 91.6% chance of going on to have a live birth. These odds are much better that what we currently are looking at.

Just to summarise the stats on their site:
- 47% of patients will have a positive pregnancy test (check)
- 26.7% of these patients will have a miscarriage
- once a foetal heart rate is seen at the 6 week scan, only 8.4% of these patients will go on to miscarry.

Though, the way i see it, everyone's chances are not necessarily equal as the patient population they are dealing with often have fertility problems, so i should have a pretty good chance, as besides some mild endometriosis, i am pretty much healthy (fertility wise!) as far as we know.

And of course, the little embryo we implanted was apparently a 'cracker' as i've said!

It's still a week until the scan......

14 July 2007

Hello Walex!!

I am sick, i am nauseous, i am fat, i am uncomfortable, i am in pain


i am pregnant!!!


Went and had the blood test on Thursday morning and they rang me at 11.34am! That was pretty quick. She said 'Congratulations, you are pregnant.'

'Holy cow.' i said.

HCG level was 348, which she seemed please with. I booked in a '6 week' scan for 27/7 and that was that. No more drugs to take or injections or vaginal gels! Thank goodness.

I was not well on Thursday and so poor Kylie's birthday night was a bit of a fizzer! I could only manage to lay on the couch and so she went to get take out noodles and, well, that was kind of it!

Friday the nausea kicked in good and proper and so as well as being fat and in pain i felt like i was going to chuck....all bloody day.....

I hate nausea. I hate it worse than pain i think. I had discovered though that despite feeling like you want to spew, the best thing seems to be to keep eating, all day long, which is hard with an already MASSIVE stomach!

Today has been somewhat better. I actually slept most of the night and although teetering on the verge of nausea-ville i have managed to constantly shovel food into myself and keep the hard core nausea at bay!! I also bought some dry biscuit type things to knaw on, some of those sea-sickness / morning sickness acupressure bands that you wear on your wrists, along with some natural morning sickness remedy (vit b6 and ginger) - i'm trying to cover all bases!

I told my boss yesterday.....i know it's frightfully early and i would have preferred not to have to tell him for sometime yet - but, i knew i just couldn't go to Sydney on Monday and i have been sick all week and with the prospect of sickness continuing and us having a meeting next Tuesday to talk about company strategy and my role going forward and with the fact that i already look like a whale, i figured that - hell, why not just come out and say it. He was really good actually and is keen for me to be able to continue on, both before and after the baby comes (!!) in whatever capacity and time committment we can organize. That is good. He was even talking about doing, say, two days per week in the office and one at home or something. We are going to look at replacing me with another PM (fantastic) and i can do Analysis and Design type work - which is what i would prefer anyway!

Kylie and I also told my mum. That was really cool and she was so happy.

So here i am, with a baby growing inside!!! It is freaky. I am nervous and just hope it keeps on growing and everything is ok. I can't wait to get to the 10 week mark or something. Somewhere safe. I guess it's never safe, but at least safer than here, the 4 week mark....i am worried that every little twinge in my stomach (and there are lots of them with this fat, bloated stomach with pains and cramps and stuff) there may be something wrong. Just gotta wait it out.

11 July 2007

The Amazing Expanding Woman

Yup, getting bigger.....things have been pretty uncomfortable now since about Saturday. It's getting to the point where i have to say something to some people to explain why i am walking like a hunchback, why i suddenly look like such a porker, why i need to go home from work early each day as i can no longer be upright, why i can't sail on the weekend....

I've been trying to come up with some good explanations...but i think i'm just going to go with something along the lines of.....'been having some medical treatment, which is having some side effects...having some abdominal pain and now having trouble getting around'

i hope that will suffice

i am supposed to go to Sydney on Monday for work but if i am still like this, i don't think i can do it. by about 2pm i'm not doing so well these days.

it's Kylie's 30th birthday tomorrow. had some stuff planned but also don't like my chances of doing that either...that's a shame. least her present is organized, so don't have to worry about that one!

tomorrow is also the big PT day (pregnancy test), that'll tell us if this fat bloated stomach is actually occuring for a good reason!

08 July 2007

Beach Ball

I am a beach ball.

I have been a beach ball all weekend and i have been feeling decidedly ordinary. My stomach hurts, I've been feeling a bit sick on and off and having lots of stomach cramps. I think it is the Crinone cream. I read the packet for the potential side effects and it sounds as though i am text book. Then again, it could be Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome or Pregnancy or a nice combination of all three.

Not having that much fun i must admit.

I am hanging out for Thursday, although not that Thursday will see an end to me feeling crap, but at least it will be another step along the way to....well...somewhere!

04 July 2007

The Waiting Game

The potential little Walex is one week and one day old today. If the potential little Walex is in fact a potential little Walex at all.

Lots of people try to tell you this is the most agonizing time of the whole process, waiting to see if it worked or whether you have to go back to the drawing board.

I haven't found it too bad. The waiting bit that is.

The first few days post the Embryo Transfer though my stomach was like a beach ball, really bloated and sore and i was pretty uncomfortable. It has been going down though over the past three days or so, which is great and my poor little (??little) stomach doesn't hurt as much anymore.

I have been thinking alot about the baby and wondering if it is growing in there or not. You can't help but think about it because it starts to impact on decisions that you are making. For example, you have to watch what you eat and can't eat certain foods because of the threat of Listeria infection. The daily Glucosamine tablet i was taking, i've just found out - by looking it up on the internet that it isn't recommended during pregnancy. Obviously alcohol is out. My boss is trying to put together business organisational strategies at present and is talking to me about my role in the next year and moving forward when in my mind, i'm hoping i will only be a part time consultant to them. The boat is making plans for the big races coming up, such as the Melbourne Hobart in December when i'm hoping to be pregnant.

So try as you might, not to think about or put too much weight into it, it can't help but pervade your everyday thinking and decision making.

I am excited and really hoping it's a go-er! After all, the embryo was a little cracker! Go Walex Go!

Somewhere inside though, i know it may not work as well and know that i may need to deal with that disappointment. But so be it. For now though, i'm a bit excited and looking forward to the pregnancy test day.